Resolved Question: how can i not be so deeply affected about losing what i thought were friends?

ive had the internet for 4 years now , and its been my main connection to the outside world - ive suffered long term psychological disorders and suffered an extremely unfortunate, sh!t life so far - missed out on everything normal like forming relationships with people , getting qualifications and an education, missed out on being employed , have a criminal and obvious psychiatric record etc. live alone in a one bedroomed flat on sick disability , i possess nothing except an old bed and computer. my life has been unbelievable sh!t - its been a nightmare. suffered many things. people in life have always let me down, never formed a close relationship, always one sided or them using me. alot of people have reached out to me over the 4 years ive had the net, but most of them fly in and then are gone, just like in my actual life , let down. ive met people through myspace, warez chat , yahoo answers etc. but its like nobody wants to know me. im working difficult on my disorders, chasing help for the BPD. i receive very clingy, feel unworthy inferior of others, suffer very low esteem, act every desperate for their companionship, cant maintain conversation , then people back away and reject me.. i deeply fear rejection and are scared to respond to those who have reached out to me and unfortunately theyve moved on and deserted me - also in the past when i have reached out, my efforts havent been returned, so that effects my self esteem. years ago i got close to a girl in canada who was going to move to england to be with me but it never worked out. knew her for 3 years , she lost interest in me once she got to know about me and my problems, i got very close to her , but she stopped returning my efforts to reach her and stopped appearing online , she was from ontario. hamilton. same with others, a redhead girl in kansas, i met through myspace, added her to msn, havent heard for months. seems to have lost interest. a few others who i met on yahoo that have stopped contacting me. i receive desperate, intense, expect to much, receive mad easy, let down, make the person the centre of my happiness, act to clingy, eager for their friendship.............. i admit every this. i dont even have the self esteem or the social skills to know how to act different or build a rapport with someone to make a friendship. im sick of this misery and loneliness as im now approaching 31. time is running out. and i just want to mind my possess Business and achieve my goals of a glad life, moving away from england , finding a partner , living in a tiny coastal village , never to be heard from again. but times not on my side and im heavily disadvantaged. someone help

29 Nov 2008, 10:25 am | click here to view more